How can it be that I still shudder at letting go of our home in Wyoming? Am I afraid that somehow I will be erasing our memories or will keeping our little homestead provide a way to forever return and relive some of them. If I let go of Wyoming - am I embracing all that is in this small hamlet of Oregon? Will I not be able to call myself "A Wyoming Woman" (we are a special breed after all.)
Yet as I trust God in this journey - at least I have tried to most days - He has provided for me here - new beginnings - not always packaged with bright ribbons - in fact many as I look back were tattered and worn as I tried to figure life out with out my spouse. But God has never failed me and is bringing me to new places in my life - some now wrapped in delicate paper to be opened carefully and not rushed.
I desire to be the woman God has planned and created me for - but how I struggle with letting go of what I believe He is saying and what He may actually be showing me. Most of my struggles are those I have placed on myself - that "I" word and "me" mentality - finds me questioning my decisions over and over instead of leaving them in His open hands. In what possible scenario could I ever have a better idea than His -
With His blessing - stepping away from my job at the flower shop was the right one - the relief I felt to be able to address the areas I needed to take care of or at least help with was undeniable - but this past week I was able to step back into the shop to help with Mother's Day flowers and although so tiring - I loved it - being back with staff who had become my friends and catching up with some of the "regular" customers. A little winsome ...
But trading the flower shop for my own little business journey is also exciting - and hopefully will actually produce the opportunities to bless a bride and groom. Stretching my imagination to find ways to promote it are daunting but it is good for me to stretch beyond my comfort zone - trusting God to use the ideas He has placed before me.
My life continues to unfold in ways I never imagined and even though there have been several ups and downs in it lately - I am thankful and joyful for this unexpected journey. Being able to treasure past memories to make room for new ones is a huge step for me. I am thankful for His presence in all of my life and pray that I will honor Him in the gifts He continues to shower me with on this journey.
Your words always have a little something for me - I think it's our common widowhood. Not a club we chose to belong to but God chose for us. Blessings for the continued journey.
ReplyDelete