The Blessings of a Learning Curve

So many things to learn...

In my dream - opening Blossoms and Blessings was going to give me the opportunity to share my love of flowers and  their unique language while ministering to a newly engaged couple as they plan out their celebration.  Somehow I believed I could maneuver my way through all the steps without too many hiccups!  Well I have a lot to learn.

Registering for the license wasn't too bad once I actually spoke to someone and had a few questions cleared up - but that was the easy part.

Figuring out taxes, accounting details, business cards and even a web site has been a little more daunting.  Thankfully, I have family to lean on and walk me through some of the biggest early steps - without them - well the web site especially might never have happened - at least not without a lot of tears.

Bringing my dream to reality has resulted in lots of computer time - which has been a blessing  - perusing pictures from some of the weddings I have done (outside of the weddings through the store)  - many were family or friends - friends close enough I considered them family - joyful celebrations - all unique.  

Starting to write again - another blessing - taking time to be thankful for the gift of being part of someones wedding day and for Christ's blessing on these special couples. Being able to share a little of their love story as witnessed through my eyes makes their pictures more memerable.  Taking time to actually reflect on what God is doing in my life and putting my hopes and fears into words continues to bring healing and joy.   My God has never forsaken me - and I desire to be His vessel.

It has been several months since I have worked in the flower shop and God has blessed me during this time with refreshment with my family both here, in Washington and Wyoming and a very special trip overseas.  There are still a lot of things on my to do list most of which do not involve setting up my new adventure - but they will get done - now hopefully without all the pressure I was carrying before.   A blessing of time.

So I have discovered  I have a pretty big learning curve to master  but God in His wisdom is showing me there will be  blessings all along the way.

Continuing my journey - time to write again....

How can it be that I have not actually written in over two years - two years that have been filled with many new wonderful moments so why haven't I written when there has been so much to celebrate?  I think, for me, I sometimes have a hard time letting myself truly celebrate all the joy God has graced me with when the one person I really treasured celebrating with was watching from the heavens wrapped in Christ's arms.

Ryan and Emily were married - it was glorious - so many family members and friends came to Emily's grandmother's farm to celebrate with us.  The farm was beautiful, the back drop of the mountains - seemed to envelop us with God's creation, the crystal blue waters of the river glistening just behind the wedding couple shone with Christ's blessing for them and all of us who witnessed their marriage vows. 

September 8th - so much to be thankful for and to be remembered and most of all to be celebrated.  For thirty-four years we had celebrated our anniversary this day and I was and am overjoyed to celebrate it now with Ryan and Emily and through their love and commitment to each other - there is much to rejoice!

New little ones - how thankful I am for the new lives we have been blessed to love and raise.  Hope Julianna arrived in a flourish July 28 - Mom and Dad racing to the hospital - literally!  What a bundle of love and fun - sweet, gentle and loving mixed in with a little bit of impishness. Now she will be turning three - hard for this Nana to comprehend sometimes.  Now, we are awaiting the arrival, again in July, of baby Wachob number five - if this little one is a precious little boy - mixing toy trucks and lots of blue - he will be a wonderful surprise - and if a fifth little princess arrives we will be overjoyed as well. A quiver full!

In early June, Kinsley Ann joined her brother and sister to add more love and laughter to their family.  She is the spitting image of her big sister and now approaching two - full of antics and smiles.  Life is never quiet with these angels and if it is - mom and dad better go check out why!  

So why haven't I written in two years - I am still not sure - a part of me feels that when I put my thoughts down in print - that I can't take them back and I don't always want to face what is going on in my heart and to share that with my family and friends - questioning myself if it was okay to be celebrating with my heart so full of joy and still honor my beloved husband...God has been tending to me for awhile.  I know His desire for me is to be so full of joy and understanding of who He is in my life and that the love I have and cherish for Al will always be present -  reflected in the gifts of newly married children and new babies and the blessings of growing families He has already showered me with.  So now I  am beginning to write again...pressing forward toward the life God has blessed me with ...to consider it all joy.

Finding Joy

Sometimes it seems like yesterday and sometimes it feels so long ago - sometimes I wonder how I have made it this far - October 1, 2007 - the day my life and that of my families changed forever.  It will never be just a beautiful fall day or even a normal ordinary day.  This day my sunshine was greeted by angels and Christ Himself at the gates of heaven.

I have learned that for me, the days leading up to October 1st are often as difficult or more than the day itself.  Trying to prepare my heart for all the last memories that seem to fill my soul - wishing and hoping that it still some kind of horrible dream and I will wake with him beside me.  But morning comes and it is not a dream.

My heart's desire the last few years, is to cherish my memories and to celebrate Alvis and the man he was not only to me and our children but to all that may have known him.  In trying to remember him as husband, father, grandfather, brother, uncle,  father in law, friend, physician, athlete, gardener I am reminded how his life impacted so many and how well he was loved.  And what an example he left behind.....

We have tried to spend this day, not filled with only tears and heartache but with joy - Al was full of joy.  When I read through his Bible, so many of the verses underlined are instructions to live life with joy - the joy of knowing who Jesus is as our Savior and the joy of believing and knowing of His unfailing love.  Al understood true joy - and this was the example he left with us - to live our lives with joy and expectation of our future with Christ; to experience this life with exuberance and to savor learning something new.  To live our lives with the anticipation of a life even more exciting and glorious.

So, today - things we did to celebrate Alvis' life - taking a bouquet of flowers all from our yard - filled with roses, hydrangea, anenome, gladiola, cosmos, dogwood, jasmine to lay beside his headstone; a batch of rice krispie treats, sharing the afternoon with Ryan and Emily on the river; water skiing (even with out a wet suit!), dinner outside - toasting Al with a pale ale, and phone visits with Michelle, Colleen and Amy.  We laughed and we smiled and teased "what would Al (Dad) think?"  or "You know Dad would get in the water!"

And though my heart feels like the hole is not any smaller - I know Christ is healing the edges and softening the aching feeling especially on days when I don't want to get out of bed or get out of the shower hoping the emptiness will wash away.  I know He wants us to feel joy again and to live life fully - just as my Sunshine did.  So today, I choose to find joy - even in amongst the tears.

With joy and thankfulness

I had made plans to visit my husband's resting place yesterday after church.  I gathered some flowers from our yard and brought some blue delphinium from work to add to my small clutch.  I was thankful again for peonies blooming, iris in blues and purple and pink and purple columbine right outside my door.  Later I picked up a single red rose to be included with the others.

My head and my heart were filled with sweet memories of Al - remembering him in his uniforms - often searching for his camouflage hat at the last minute - how professional he looked in his Class A's and how wonderfully handsome in his dress blues.  I was and am so proud of his service to our country and his continued willingness to be called to active duty to serve the wounded.

As I started out of the driveway that morning, the song playing on the radio was "I'll Fly Away."  This song is special to me for many reasons - one, Alvis' dad went to music school with the author so many years ago, and also because we chose to have this song at the conclusion of Al's service with everyone singing.  Until this year, I wept when I heard the music - but this morning I smiled!  I pictured Al with his parents and brothers singing it in four part harmony (his dad used to sing in a  four part harmony group)  Instead of tears of loneliness I felt joy and comfort believing and trusting they were singing praises to our God - maybe at that very moment. 

Small moments of joy - to be treasured.

Flower blessings

Just a few flowers spilling out from a simple glass vase - 

Enjoy:)

A mixture of gerbera daisies, hydrangea, roses, spray roses, button poms and carnations - yummy:)

Fun times with Ephraim and Selah!

This past month I have had the chance to visit Amy, Forrest and the munchkins a couple of times.  These munchkins crack me up!  They are non stop from the moment they get up until they crash into bed.  In between they play cars, baby dolls, soccer, basketball, paint, create messes of all kinds and occasionally stop to eat:)  They truly enjoy each other - well there is of course a few squabbles but Selah will put herself in time out or sit with Ephraim when he has chosen poorly.

On my last visit, Ephraim (Effa, according to Selah) had his first T-ball practice - if there is a ball involved, he is ready to play ; Selah marched right over to the playground - it is a bit worrisome that she has no fear of falling or tripping - and climbs up and over things that I am sure are meant for older kids but she scrambles all over the jungle gym and slides as if she has been doing this for years!   Who taught her how to lay across the seat of the swing and fly?  She just makes me smile.

Ephraim did a great job of listening to his coach and following directions - running the bases to warm up - he of course led the group with one other little guy.  (First born of two first born parents!)  It was a little chilly so in some of these pictures he looks cold but given the ball and a chance to throw - look out!  This little guy can really throw - and hard!  His first throw to his coach was launched perfectly and as the ball smacked the coach's glove even he said Whoa:)

Ephraim throws right and bats left handed - pretty clever - could be pretty handy as he grows up:)

I am so big!

On my own!

Watching and waiting ....

Getting ready...

The wind up...

Running past his coach:)

Not so sure about this...

I'm flying!!!!

Sharing tears and joy...

From earlier this month....

For the most part, hours spent making flower arrangements are pretty enjoyable - the flower shop always smells wonderful, is brimming with a myriad of colors, shapes and textures and the door bell chiming nearly always means flowers to be shared with someone for happy reasons.  This past week has certainly included visitors who have stepped inside for just that - but this week also seems to have been laden with sorrows for many also.

It began last weekend with the phone ringing over and over - with customers choking back their own tears while choosing flowers for two different families - each who had lost a young son in the same car accident - being struck by a drunk driver.  The accident was hundreds of miles away but their families were here.  Our normally festive moods were quickly quieted.  It was time now to minister to others through our work...some how hoping the messages of friends coupled with God's majestic work of His gardens would bring some comfort to them.  

I can't really explain why this particular tragedy has touched me so strongly - except recalling how many people cared about our family when Alvis was suddenly called home.  I have accepted that I will not understand why my husband's journey here ended way to soon from my perspective - and even though I believe God's plan for Alvis and our family is His perfect plan - it still saddens me.  I miss him.  I imagine that these families are struggling with similar questions - why their sons and why when their lives were full of promise.  My heart breaks for them and each family who came in this week for flowers for their loved ones.  I know that Jesus is holding them closer these past few days.

I desire to be His instrument when I am assisting customers - not just when someone is grieving but with each one who steps inside or calls.  I know I fail - sometimes it is simply difficult to smile through their grumblings.  Yet, I have a Father who still cares for me through my grumblings.

Today my co-worker made a beautiful garden for one of the memorial services to be held on Sunday.  She asked for my opinion various times as she created it - which is truly humbling as she is so creative - but it was also hard to look at - her garden design was so similar to the one my friend,  Jan,  had made for Al.  Tears welled up in my heart - trying not to let them spill out.  I know Jan put her heart into the flowers she did for us just as my friend and co-worker did today.  I desire to remember to be God's instrument - to demonstrate His love for each of us in the moments of sorrow and all the moments of joy.  In the midst of the heartache we feel for these families and others - I can also imagine joy - the joy of meeting Jesus and a heavenly home beyond beautiful!