Christmas reflections...

Our "angel" tree with limbs lifted high

It's nearly February!  Somehow January has really slipped through my fingers as did December.  The Christmas quilts were my excuse in December but what about now?  I look back on this month and feel I have not really accomplished very much - not anywhere near what I had set out to.  Granted the items on my list are not very exciting - taking down the tree - always a day that I don't look forward to.  Part of that is the mess I will need to create in order to return our home to a more simple state, but also because I really do enjoy our tree the days and weeks after Christmas - the quiet glow of twinkling lights and time to really reflect how we celebrated the gift of God's love - how He knowingly sent us His Son to redeem us while realizing the pain and rejection He would receive.  We spend Christmas planning for a celebration of His birth, believing and cherishing the hope for our lives after this earth.  It is a time of joy and smiles as our family spends time together, sharing in long held family traditions while stepping forward to create some new ones.  Yet, knowing in our hearts that none of the happiness we feel would be possible without the gift of His Son and the sacrifice He made.

I recognize that I should be taking time to do more of my reflecting before Christmas and I do, but not always really sitting down and being still with God.  This time as I wrote my reflections down I felt God's presence with me - being my comforter and friend.  I believe He knows my heart and how preparing my home for Christmas has always been important to me - I desire it to be a reflection of my heart - a place to welcome both family and friends which means nearly every room must reflect the Christmas season. While I am busy decorating I am also spending time with my Father - in quiet thoughts and prayers trying to put Him first in all I do.

 

I spent one evening after Christmas sitting in the living room in the soft light writing a letter to Al - to be tucked away in his stocking.  Under the soft glow of white lights on our tree, the words came more easily this year.  Maybe because I waited until Christmas day was past and I could share with him the cherished moments we had together as family this Christmas season instead of fighting tears because he wasn't sitting next to me.  Curled up on the couch with my Christmas quilt which Michelle had made for me a few years ago, enjoying the solitude, talking to Al and staring up at our tree - limbs raised upward to heaven.   Ryan had cut it from our yard - it was huge- both in height and breadth -  Ryan shared how he also loved the tree with its branches lifted upward like angels wings.

So, I did eventually undress the tree of all its sparkles and lights wrapping up each ornament in tissue while pondering the kids at different ages (marked by years written on the ornaments), sweeping up the pile of dropped needles and putting away the nativity sets but a part of me wanted to figure out how to keep some of the lights - maybe winding them through one of the plants - but I didn't.  Instead I left out the Christmas quilted pillows, quilt and the piano runner - just until the end of January:)  I wanted to still feel Christmas - I didn't want to let go of the memory of spending time with Jesus under the tree. I felt that Al could read my letter that night.  In my heart and mind I understand that Christ is always ready to hear my prayers and knows my heart - sometimes though I can almost feel Him in the room - this was one of those nights.  I cherish those moments. It has taken a long time for me to recover and feel God's presence in my life again.  A friend gave me a  beautiful feather not long after Al died to remind me that I would again feel God's touch - as light as a feather.  How thankful I am that God has continued to hold me up and bring me moments of really feeling His presence. Psalm 31:4.

A very special weekend!

Christmas Lights at the Columbia Gorge Hotel

A week before Christmas, Michelle gave me (really us) a wonderful Christmas gift.  I say "us" because it was time spent with her doing things we love.

She had requested and arranged for me to have the Monday before Christmas off - knowing that this week was going to be busy.  Erma, my boss, agreed (even though she knew I needed the time also to work on the quilts!)  Michelle would not tell me where we were going and only gave me a list of things to pack the night before.  Because warm clothes and  long underwear were involved I started guessing places in my head - the gorge or maybe Leavenworth.  I was pretty close.

We headed out to towards the mountains, driving past the Columbia Gorge Hotel - beautifully lit with Christmas lights and continued on to Parkdale.  A very small town with a wonderful, quaint Bed and Breakfast!  Michelle had purchased a "Groupon" for a two night stay with a bottle of wine and fruit and cheese fondue included!  I felt so pampered.  Michelle and I had talked last year how fun it would be to spend sometime out this way last year and she followed through.

Our B&B was small - only three suites - but the hospitality was huge.  The owner was so gracious and welcoming and her breakfast were tasty and beautifully presented.  We planned on going cross country skiing and brought my skis but were going to rent some for Michelle.  While visiting with the other guests, they had offered to lend Michelle her extra skis and boots!  They were a perfect fit!  Such generosity from strangers - now friends.

It started out a little foggy but as we climbed the mountain the sky opened up to  the brightest blue I had seen in a long time with Mt. Hood standing proudly - gleaming in white snow.  We stopped at a groomed trail head aptly named "Teacup Lake".  All of my daughters and myself love tea so this added to our fun.  The trails were pretty icy and had a lot of hills (which we were not anticipating) so I was pretty timid for a while getting my ski legs under me:) but eventually I conquered my fears and enjoyed the ride.  It was a picture perfect day.

We headed back to our little home and enjoyed our snack of cheese fondue - yummy- and dressed for dinner at the Gorge hotel with a stop in Hood River to walk the sidewalks and window shop.  Lots of outdoor gear mixed with trendy boutique stores - reminds me a little of JH.

One of our goals was to take pictures outside with all the lights.  We enjoyed traipsing through the trees sparkling with lights even though it was very cold.  The hotel dining room was empty (there was a private dinner going on) but we had the room to ourselves.  The waiter was very conscientious giving us a rather ample glass to taste two different wines before choosing the Reisling and Michelle's glass of water was never empty (He was pretty cute).  Dinner was delicious as was dessert.

We wondered outside again to look at the falls and take some more pictures before heading back to the Inn to watch a movie and sleep.

Tuesday morning we headed back - I needed to be at work by noon so reluctantly we headed back to Portland and the busyness of the store.  Michelle in all her sweetness had brought thank you gifts Hood River jam for Erma and Karen for giving me the time off.

Michelle at Teacup Lake

Mt. Hood

Dinner at the Gorge Hotel

This weekend is full of memories that I will cherish forever.  Thank you Michelle with all my heart.

A quick glimpse of Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is truly one of my very favorite holidays - and this year we were excited to be all together.

Amy and Forrest (along with their two monkeys) wandered down from Covington and Colleen and Erik and the girls made the trek from Jackson, Wyoming to share a week with us.  To top it off we also were able to celebrate Sadie's fourth birthday!  This precious little princess warms my heart.  We shared my bed on her birthday and as we snuggled together she was so sweet and thankful for the birthday gifts she had received that morning - her sweet spirit and giving heart are lessons for me to learn from too.

Sadie enjoying tea and scones at a real tea house

For her birthday, we caravaned out to the coast on a beautiful old road (part of which was snow and mud) to be greeted with 60 mile per hour winds and drenching rain.  Tillamook cheese factory was our safe haven for lunch, a tour and of course ice cream!

Colleen at the tea house

The following day, while I was at work, my daughters ventured out to a fancy tea house with the three oldest.   Forrest was working, so Erik and Ryan were left to take care of the youngest two - twenty months old and only two weeks apart.  Raina slept but Selah kept Ryan entertained playing with cars and balls!  I came home for lunch and found him on the floor with her:)  Erik was trying to read but had to abandon it when Ryan also headed to work.

The tea party crowd had a wonderful time savoring cucumber sandwiches, scones and cookies.  They

also had a hat room where some wonderful wide brimmed and classic numbers could be tried on and worn while sipping tea.

Ephraim also enjoying the tea party

Elisa Joy

Amy and Ephraim

Michelle and Ephraim

Beautiful Elisa modeling her red bonnet

Entertaining guests especially little ones offers challenges sometimes:)  I came home one evening to a crazy game of follow the leader - only crazy dance moves or somersaults were encouraged.  On both of Colleen's last visits, Oregon provided only cold and drizzles and downpours each time we wanted to be outside.  Being from Wyoming they are used to playing outside in the winter - but it is usually sunny and cold or snowing - both more fun than being drenched.

Crazy dance moves

Five little munchkins!

Forrest attempting to teach Erik to juggle fruit!

Ryan sharing his talents with his nieces.

Ryan is a very talented pianist and spent time sharing some music with Elisa and Sadie.  Both will start piano with Colleen when the piano arrives at their house.

Thanksgiving was a wonderfully relaxed day - with all of my talented daughters helping out in the kitchen we sat down to quite a feast - Ryan rushing home from work to join us and get our family photo taken! We have so much to be thankful for -  the joy of being all together and recognizing how we are truly a blessed family enveloped by our love for each other and God's grace over us.

Elisa and Sadie wanted to make a trip to Willamette National Cemetery to visit their Boppa.  Only Elisa was born before Alvis died - she was not even three yet.  Amy and Colleen both are wonderful about sharing moments about their dad with their children.  Ephraim's middle name is Alvis, too.  While we gathered around his head stone I remember how tenderly Amy explained why his Boppa was here and all the others surrounding him.  She shared how Jesus had carried Boppa to heaven.  I loved that image.

May we all be carried to heaven this way.  Elisa and Sadie traced his name over and over.  I wish with all my heart that they could have really known their grandpa.  He was pretty amazing and was quite enamored with Elisa - he had a picture of her on the front of his locker in the physician's lounge:)

Visiting Boppa

All too quickly our week was over.  I wanted time to stand still - at least slow down a little.  I remember as a child my dad would talk about wanting a big house someday with all these different wings branching off of a center point - one wing for each of his five daughters and for him and mom.  I really understand this dream and claim it as my own now.  As God prepares a home for us in heaven, I relish the hope and dream that maybe it will still come true - with God at our center.

Christmas quilts...

It has been four Christmas's now that we have shared with out Alvis.  There are moments everyday when I still can't fathom he is in heaven and not driving down the driveway after work.

I wonder how Christmas is celebrated there - surrounded by choirs of angels, their faces reflecting the glory of Christ.  Only joy and happiness are felt by all those who share in His glory.  Someday ....

At some point shortly after Thanksgiving, I felt I really needed to do something for my children that might bring them comfort and sweet memories of their dad.  A friend actually gave me this idea about a year ago when she did this for her girls.  I simply hadn't gotten to a point where I thought I could begin the project and let go of some of Al's things.  Something came over me that Sunday afternoon - the house was empty - Ryan at work, Michelle at youth group, Colleen and Erik were home and Amy and Forrest were visiting his parents.  I headed to my closet.

Al's shirts have been hanging there since we moved in.  Ryan would sometimes come down and choose one of his dad's shirts to wear but mostly they hung there - in a way keeping me company.  I can remember which ones he wore more often and which ones were my favorites.  Sometimes I smiled thinking of him wearing a certain one; sometimes I cried remembering the last time he wore one.  But on this afternoon, God was giving me grace and courage to move forward and do something for my children - to share a part of their precious dad that had been comforting me for so long.

With smiles and tears I began to separate out the shirts I knew Ryan or Erik or Forrest might still like and then began to gather at least five shirts that the colors - stripes, plaids and solids - that I could blend together into quilts for each of them.  Again, I believe God's hand was guiding me - because before I knew it, I had collected five groups of shirts.  Some were long sleeved (a few had ink stains on the front pocket - because once in a while his favorite gel pens would explode!), and others short sleeved.  Lots of blue, green, red and gold.  I tried to pick ones for each of the kids that I thought also had colors they enjoyed.

A part of me really wanted to head to the fabric store right away to get material for the backs and complimenting fabric to quilt them together but I waited until Tuesday when I would be heading that way anyway - on my way to GriefShare - the ministry I am still involved with - now hoping to help others find healing.  Again, God was working with me - I only had an hour and I was able to find a quilt book, another quilt pattern, and all the materials and batting!  He never fails me.

Now I had to figure out how I was going to get these done without my daughter and son walking in on me.  I shared that I had a sewing project going on in my room and if the door was closed - they had to knock!  A few times I had to quick cover things up with a blanket and every night I had to hide all evidence (scraps, patterns and material) before I could go to bed!  Michelle and Ryan would come to the door and patiently wait for me to open it a crack but I think they really like surprises so they didn't snoop!

So for the few weeks  between Thanksgiving and  Christmas I worked like crazy - cutting the shirts apart was hard but at the same time I felt joy and excitement.  My kids have been amazing at making sure that I am doing ok and not alone - especially at holidays or anniversaries and now I was going to hopefully be giving back to them.  It was also a busier time at the flower shoppe - so I had extra hours to work - some of them long.  But I didn't give up - I knew I could at least get the tops done - but then as they started coming together I became more determined to complete them all.  The last few nights I was up until 2 am and Christmas eve I finally had them wrapped and under the tree at 3 am!!  God never gave up on me either - and blessed me with giving me the energy and somehow stretching time so I could finish.

So, on Christmas morning when it was my turn to hand out gifts, I chose to give them to the kids all at the same time.  (Colleen had received hers in her Christmas packages)  We were starting with the youngest - Ephraim and Selah had opened their gifts and Ryan was next.  I had also enclosed a card with  a note that I hoped when they were really needing a hug from their dad, I hoped these would help.  Ryan was looking at it and about the time he recognized what they were made from, Amy looked down and said "Mom, are these Dad's shirts?"  The tears started to flow and continued as Michelle and Amy opened theirs and we talked about the various shirts in each quilt.

For Ryan

Colleen's

Amy's

Michelle's

Thank you Lord for allowing me the courage and ability to complete all the gifts before Christmas morning.  Thank you for letting me find joy in creating these gifts for my precious kids.  Thank you for sharing Alvis with us.  Wish him a Merry Christmas from me.