Trusting...

God's sovereignty -

         Yes, I believe this to be true - in all things -

         over all the earth and the heavens

         over our country

         over our lives

         over me...



Trusting that His plan still places Him in control when so much seems out of control - in regards to the world - I do have confidence in Him.  We are the ones who are messing things up and leaving Him out.  But I can believe Him and trust Him that He "has the whole world in His hands"


So, why do I struggle so much with the whys in my own life? Why do I struggle with the path I am on when I know He is with me?  Why, when I know He is sovereign over my life and desires the best for me, do I travel down one direction, trusting that this is the right direction and find later that it  wasn't. Was it because I didn't listen well and desiring something for me believing I had His blessing - to find that I must have taken the wrong road.



Or was it the right road, and God still needed me to learn more and lean on Him more to bring me closer to Him?

 Or am I making excuses?

Looking back on my life's journey so far, I can recognize His handiwork in many moments of my life - even during the weekend my husband was called home.  I have had to pull myself together and rely on Christ. Something I don't always do very well. Yet, I know I can't do this job alone.  I have argued with God some days about why I still have to struggle with even little things?  But even then, He helps me see how much more I need to trust him. Deep down I know He has a plan for my life.  That I am here because I still have work to do - serving Him in whatever direction He leads.  Do I struggle knowing what that is - absolutely; do I struggle trusting I am making the right decisions - yes and do I struggle when the path I have been on takes a difficult new direction - definitely.



This past year has held many personal firsts for me -
- starting my own little business


- traveling to China - a country I really had never put on my wish list to help bring home my daughter's adopted son.  Fears accumulated with trying to communicate in a difficult language and just not having any idea of what to expect in this vast country and everything involved in adopting this sweet baby.


- and entering into a relationship - with all the joy and fun of being with someone again, loving again, mixed with the struggles of figuring out how to love someone and blend our family histories.

In each of these, God has stretched me to trust Him more, and to trust Him when I have felt so unsure about taking the next step and to continue to trust Him when what I had hoped for isn't going to be.   I am clinging to God's word that He is sovereign and He knew the path I was on and I am thankful He is with me now as I work to become content again on my own and fulfill the role He has for me now.

Trusting in His mercy and faithfulness.